Once you have welcomed home your new child, taken some time to attach and adjust and begun the process of emailing, calling and sending photos to his or her birthmother, you may decide the time is optimum for a first visit.

Depending on where everyone is in their comfort level with that first visit you might select a public, family friendly place like a park, restaurant or a museum. Getting together in such a location can help take some of the pressure off of everyone involved. Meeting in a fun, public spot also gives everyone the chance to do something interesting together so the total focus is not on any individual, making them feel uncomfortable. For those who are a bit more comfortable in the relationship, perhaps meeting in the private home of adoptive family or birthfamily is in order. There is no wrong or right to when and where you meet, it really depends on each individual situation and the interests of those involved.

Going into your first visit can be unsettling for everyone. As adoptive parents you may still be feeling a bit unsure about your budding bond with your child. As a birthmother you might be feeling unsure of how you will feel about seeing your baby with his other parents. Those feelings are perfectly normal and the best you can do for each other to ease into the visit is to be aware and also be sensitive to the signals you are sending each other about how things are going.

Before the visit it can be a welcome gesture if you let your child’s birthmother know you understand that the visit will have difficult moments for her, and that it is not going to upset anyone if she needs to go off for a moment alone to regroup her feelings. If you are meeting in your home it might be nice to give her a short tour when she first arrives and let her know of rooms or areas where she can go during the visit to grab a moment for herself if things are overwhelming her a bit. Also limiting the number of other extended family who are present may be helpful for your child’s birthmother.

If you are meeting in a public location try to choose somewhere that has comfortable areas for some quite conversations as well. Even in a public meeting place if birthmother or adoptive parents may feel the need to go off on their own for a little break during the visit, talk before hand so everyone knows this is an option and no one is later misunderstood if it needs to happen.

Taking lost of pictures is just the thing to help you preserve your memories of the day, and don’t forget to make extras for everyone!


Review:

*Choose a comfortable location to meet

*Talk about and be aware of little areas where each of you can turn to if you need a moment to collect yourself and resume visiting.

*Don’t be afraid to enjoy your time together.

*Take a ton of photos and get copies for each other.