A reader recently asked:

Do you have any advice for those of us who are newly participating in open adoptions?

Well of course, I have a few tips!

First of all, keep in mind that the relationship between adoptive parents and birth parents is just like any other type of relationship/friendship you may have. At times, it requires work and at other times it may become frustrating. You will have good times and bad times just like you do with any other relationship.

Secondly, go into the open adoption with an open mind and open heart. Try to put any pre-conceived notions or stereotypes regarding birth parents or adoptive parents out of your head. Also, try to have a positive attitude going into this. A negative attitude will only create a negative atmosphere.

You must be open and honest with one another. Honesty is very important in open adoption relationships, just as it is with any other relationship. If something is bugging you or makes you feel uncomfortable, speak up and let the other know. This also reminds me that communication is critical in open adoptions as well meaning you must talk with one another and maintain contact through visits, telephone, emails, etc.

Give the other a chance. Sometimes, I get really paranoid that S and A may close our adoption because I have talked with many birthmothers that this has happened to so I have to force myself to put these ideas out of my head and give them a chance. They have always up hold promises to me, so I have to remind myself of this from time to time.

There are so many emotions that go on in an open adoption, that you might need a break or a little space at some point. If this happens, be up front about it and let the other know that you need a little break or a little space. Typically, they will understand if you speak up, but if you disappear you may cause them to worry that they have done something wrong.

As I said before, relationships between adoptive parents and open adoptions require a little work, but with that you can typically have a good relationship!

If you are participating in an open adoption and have any advice or tips please share!

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Related Posts:
A Lesson Learned about being Open
Defining Open Adoption