I think anyone who truly understands even the basics of adoption also knows that the life long process is never without some pain and anguish. For many who came to understand this truth early on, open adoption seemed to offer a solution that could in some ways lessen the struggles and frustration for our children. Having an open adoption may have certain benefits for a child, but does being given so much information, so early on, also provide some additional issues for young minds?

In many ways openness can be beneficial, but for some while having an open adoption relationship now might save our children later anguish over some of the issues, we often wonder how healthy it is for them to process these very complex emotions as they are also trying to grow up. Do children always do better if they meet the more complex emotional aspects of adoption early on, or does it somehow make childhood more challenging and create other issues?

For many adult adoptees the results of growing up in the more closed adoption era, simply knowing you were adopted but not having the experience of ongoing contact with birthfamily, seems to be a mixed bag. Many adoptees report no intense longing over not knowing and visiting with birthfamily throughout their childhood, while just as many others seem to have felt from early on as though something essential was lacking. Having less contact through childhood seemed ok for some, and an added bit of anguish for others. Clearly there is no one size fits all rule.

Although there are many beliefs that open adoption and frequent contact with birthfamily is best for adopted children, the studies that could verify this are still years away from providing that evidence. While we know that many were negatively effected by the system of closed adoptions, we also find many adoptees who went on to find happy reunions after what they experienced as a full and happy childhood. Will future studies also reflect a mixed response to increasing openness in adoption?

The research and studies that will show us the effectiveness of extremely open adoption are years away from drawing any definitive conclusions. Right now, those who practice very open adoption are in fact the guinea pigs for all this future information. How well our children fare will be the basis for the road maps other adoptive and birth families may follow in the future. Of course we want to get it “right”, but being the trailblazers of sorts also leaves much room for error.

Perhaps what will be discovered years from today, is that very open adoption is subject to the same pitfalls as some aspects of the closed adoption era. While our children benefit from some things additionally, they are also taking on additional challenges. As with any journey into the uncharted, gathering as much information from the past, and learning as much as possible will prepare each individual family for what they might experience, as best as anyone possibly can be.

While no one can say completely that open adoption causes a child less anguish, we can say looking for more positives ways to care for an adopted child may included thinking about whether openness and contact with birthfamily will be positive for the individual child.

One Adoptive Parent’s Advice

Open Adoption - A Pattern For Disaster?

Photo - Looking anguished on vacation. Copyright- Deb Donatti 2007