Ahhhhhh, I am finally in Branson for the week! The view from our condo overlooking Table Rock Lake is nothing short of spectacular!

After a late evening, dinner with friends, and a internet hookup downed due to a storm, I was unable to work on a post for today. I do have a post that I wrote some time ago, and it seemed worthy of sharing again, so I hope you will enjoy. I promise to be back with something new and refreshing, after I am awake and refreshed myself. ;)


Of the many interesting adoption related resources online I recently came across an article written by Michael Colberg who works as an educator and therapist in the New York area. At his website, Related By Choice, Colberg has shared a very thoughtful article “Copin’ With Open- Open Adoption: Is It Worth It?” which details his perspective on whether or not openness in adoption truly benefits the child. A very interesting read, one I would recommend.

In the first paragraph I would swear he was speaking about my own family and recent troubles we have been dealing with concerning one of our open adoption relationships. The adoptive parents felt as though communications with their child’s birthmother were causing some stress and acting out behavior with their child and they were unsure if either continuing to be open, or choosing to close the adoption would best benefit their child. Although Colberg gives no right or wrong answers, he does describe many of the things I also suspect could cause such feelings and clearly outlines why he believes this to be so. I appreciate that his take was more about how each individual family must find their own best solution, while still portraying the very real concerns that those adoptive parents had. I understand because many are the same concerns our family has been experiencing.

I was most impressed with how Colberg actually acknowledges that there CAN be varying levels of open adoption contact that offer the child the most opportunity, while causing the adoptive parents the least amount of stress. I do not think I recall ever hearing that this was “ok.” Most of the new circulating belief is that adoptive parents need to just deal with any uncomfortable feelings they might have about a high degree of openness because it is always, across the board, better for a child. Sometimes I have to wonder if this is just a knee-jerk reaction to all those decades with a flawed, closed adoption system. Perhaps a high level of openness is not what will work for every child? It was nice to think that someone out there understands that if the parents have a high degree of stress over a certain level of open contact that perhaps it actually won’t benefit the child to continue at that level. In order for adoptive parents to actually be effective parents they need to feel comfortable in their role in the open adoption as well.

The other thing Colberg’s article addresses that I have often wondered about is the irony that while the more functional birthparents are the easier the open relationship is for the adoptive parents, the harder it might be for the adopted child. For adoptive parents building relationships with caring, responsible people can be easier, but for the adopted child it might bring more into question why the need for their adoption even occurred. When a child is seeing a birthparent who has obvious troubles and is dysfunctional they can see the need that might have made their placement for adoption occur. When a birthparent is doing well the reasons for the adoption might be more unclear. If birthparents are effectively raising other subsequent children this scenario gets even more complex for the child emotionally.

Colberg definitely raises some interesting questions with this article and better than I am able to express them here, so I hope readers will go have a look themselves. The main thing I was pleased to see is that issues like this are being written about at all. Although we know from experience that decades of closed adoptions have harmed many, we are still forging new ground in the area of open contact in adoption. What we are learning today will most assuredly change the face of adoption for the future.