Recently a friend from college and I were having a conversation about open adoption. She was telling me that lately she has been thinking that she and her husband might adopt a child but she was quick to say she would not want an open adoption. When I asked why, she responded that she wouldn’t want a birthmother telling her how to raise the child.

I was a little surprised that this statement was coming from her because she has seen me interacting with Charlie and his adoptive family before and I have never tried to co-parent. I may tell him “no” if he is doing something wrong and S or A is not right there but I would do that with any of my friends children. It’s called being the adult.

I’ve heard this open adoption is co-parenting myth a few times before by those that are not educated in the ins and outs of open adoption as some of us are. Open adoption is definitely not co-parenting.

Co-parenting is defined as “Sharing parenting responsibilities, financial responsibilities, and physical custody of the child with another person, such as a step-mother or step-father or other appointed guardian.”

I do not do any of those things listed in the definition. I have no financial responsibilities for Charlie. I do not share any of the parenting responsibilities. How could I possibly when I only see him every other month or so? And I certainly do not share physical custody of him.

S and A took those things on when Charlie became their son. They are the ones now financially responsible for him. They are the ones who now have physical custody of Charlie and they are the ones who share the daily parenting responsibilities.

According to the above definition of co-parenting, open adoption is definitely NOT co-parenting.

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