At least,thats what I hear from many newbies and from the general public. How many myths, misunderstandings or not quite right assumptions do you hear on a daily basis? It's amazing but understandable, since many people who hold these beliefs have limited experience with open adoption relationships. Here's my quick list:

Myth: Open adoption is "co-parenting". Most people are familiar with divorce and custodial arrangements that often don't work well for minor children. They think open adoption must have much the same flavor,two sets of parents who fight, argue and contest endlessly over a child.

The reality: Birthparents make a voluntary decision to place a child for adoption and enter into a relationship with the child's adoptive parents. They truly see the adoptive parents as the primary parents. If they were committed to making every decision for the child, they would have chosen to parent rather than make the painful decision to release the child for adoption.

Myth: Birthparents desperately want to be part of the adoptive parents and child's day to day life. They will call every day, invite themselves to all family functions and generally make a pest of themselves.

The reality: I'm always a little perplexed by this odd notion! Birthparents are real people with their own lives, they have their OWN family they want to spend Thanksgiving with or other important holidays. Most birth parents that I have worked with often feel a great sense of uncertainty, they want very much to be an important part of their child's life but surely want to avoid any chance of misunderstanding by coming on too strong.

Myth: Open adoption leads to legally contested adoption. Once you enter into an open identified adoption, you will wind up in court.

Reality; Ok,I confess. I hear this myth a lot but I've never figured it out. Somehow, people have confused contested adoptions or a child being reclaimed by the birth parents as a danger of openness. There simply is no connection. The handful of contested adoptions I have seen almost always involve closed adoptions where birth parents believe they had been lead astray, rightly or wrongly.

And this is just the beginning ... I would enjoy hearing your "myths" about open adoption. I'm listening; fire away!