I’ve heard several birthmothers involved in open adoptions mention lately that someone they know had made the “co-parenting and adoption correlation.” You know, where they’ll say that open adoption is a form of co-parenting.

I was thinking about this and wondering when someone thinks or says that where are they coming from? What actions in an open adoption are causing them to think that a birthmother participating in an open adoption is co-parenting? The next person I come in contact with who says that open adoption is like co-parenting I will ask why they think and feel this statement to be true. I’m very curious.

I guess I’m so curious because I can’t see a correlation at all. When I think of the word co-parenting the first thing that comes to mind is situations between a couple who has children and is now divorced. In that type of situation, one person does have primary custody but the other parent is expected to support the child or children financially, help make decisions about the child’s future, etc.

Let’s get technical for a minute and look at the definition of co-parenting.

Co-parenting is defined as “Sharing parenting responsibilities, financial responsibilities, and physical custody of the child with another person, such as a step-mother or step-father or other appointed guardian.”

I do not do any of those things listed in the definition. I have no financial responsibilities for Charlie. Lack of finances was one of the reasons I placed Charlie for adoption in the first place.

I do not share any of the parenting responsibilities. How could I possibly when I only see him every other month or so? And I certainly do not share physical custody of him. I don’t make decisions for his future that a person who is co-parenting would make. The only decision that I have made for Charlie’s future is the one to place him for adoption in the first place. Once I signed those papers, I no longer had the right to make decisions for him.


S and A took on all those responsibilities when Charlie became their son. They are the ones now financially responsible for him, have physical custody of him, and make decisions for his future.

Obviously, my opinion is that open adoption doesn’t equal co-parenting.


--
Photo Credit: Coley Strickland