Going home with baby

Going home from the hospital is a very emotional time for everyone involved. There’s sadness, happiness, fear, love, worry and change. The child’s biological parents go home alone with the feelings of loss and grief from placing a child. The adoptive parents go home with a new member of the family and all the wondrous feelings of being a new parent and sadness knowing the birth parents are feeling pain.

During this time there are some common before-you-leave-the-hospital courtesies you should be aware of:

• Share keepsake items – Keepsake items are items like first footprints, hospital bands, and any other newborn hospital items. Don’t assume you get these items – they belong to your child’s mother. She might want you to have them all or some or none. Either way this is okay. Your emotions are running on high (as is everyone else’s) so don’t get too wrapped up in objects. Some items you might be able to get doubles of – like first footprints. It would be a common courtesy to check with your child’s biological mom and get her input before asking for extra sets from the hospital staff. (Or, if you have a relationship ahead of time – it might be better to ask before the baby's birth her wishes on this.) Sure these items are very sentimental and you might really like to have them – but don't get teary-eyed or upset if you don't. You're an adoptive parent and some things are just plain different. Prepare yourself emotionally for that (again, this doesn't make you any less of a parent).

• Respect the baby’s first name – Everyone approaches naming the baby in their own way. Whether the baby is named by the adoptive parents, named by the biological parents or some mutual understanding in between when the child is born – it’s best to be very honest about your intentions if you plan on renaming the baby ahead of time. In the mean time show respect for the baby’s given name in the hospital. It’s your child’s first name and it’ll be a part of them and their history for life -- even if you change it.

• Share first outfits selection – You’ll have a lot ‘firsts’ with your child – seeing them crawl, walk, go to school and etc. It would be nice to extend a welcome to help choose the baby’s first outfit for his/her pictures or for going home in.

• Giving of gifts – Flowers, lockets with pictures, matching teddy bears are all ideas of gifts to give your child’s biological mom when she’s at the hospital. Also, don’t be surprised if your child receives some of his or her own presents from the birth family and extended birth family. This can happen at the hospital or later on down the road. Even though it’s an adoption – open adoption allows for the connection between all people who love your child -- it lets them express their love via contact, letters, pictures and gifts too. (If you do get gifts, don’t forget to send thank you notes!)

This is by no means an all inclusive or ‘must do’ list. It’s more a collection of my experiences and observances. I hope it’s helpful!

If you have any other suggestions, feel free to comment them below.