“Open Adoption” is a very broad term and leaves room for many different interpretations. In open adoptions, what works for one set of birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted child may not necessarily work for other sets of birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted children in open adoption relationships. In open adoptions, “one size definitely does not fit all.”

The amount and frequency of openness in open adoptions is going to vary in each situation based on the circumstances surrounding each individual open adoption plan and the people participating in that open adoption plan. One birthmother may see her child quite often if she lives in the same state as her child and adoptive family, while another birthmother may only see her child once a year because she and her child’s family live across the country. One birthmother may want to see her child every few months because it does her good to see her child healthy and happy, while another birthmother may only want visits once a year because it is all she can handle at that point in time.

All of the above described situations are considered open adoptions, yet they are different in the amount of contact. There isn’t really a wrong or right in the way of how much contact there should be in an open adoption between the birthmother, adoptive parents, and child. It simply depends on what all involved have agreed upon, what works for them, and what they feel most comfortable with.

My point is that each situation is going to be different. No two situations will be the same, even if the children are in the same family, the openness may vary. What works for me may not work for the next birthmom and what works for one set of adoptive parents might not work for the next set and vice versa. In the world of open adoptions, one size does not fit all, each open adoption must be tailored made for that particular group of participants.

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