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Well here I am again, finding myself lost in a sea of emotions concerning adoption, attachment, therapy, birthparents, (sometimes blogging) and mostly just daily living. Some days I really feel like I am getting nowhere, but then I remember “nowhere” is still a place. It might not be where I was yesterday, or where I need to be tomorrow, but I still am someplace right now, and learning to live in this place is my job of the moment.
So as part of living in my moment here, my five year old has begun with a new therapist today. There seems to be a lot of promise there. This lady really seems to understand what both my own and my daughter’s experience has been. She shook her head in understanding (and not confusion) over and over again. That’s a good sign when you are used to being looked at like your crazy. Not only that, but she agreed with the conclusions I have arrived at over time, and seems ready to supply me with skills to move forward and help my daughter. I cannot tell you how relieved I am that this seems to be a situation that we may make some real progress with! So far so good.
I also came across (via another great blog) this helpful website that is devoted to attachment issues. This looks like it could be the perfect place to send teachers and our extended family to read and better understand what our daughter is going through. I Think I am also going to send this one to Cierra’s birthfamily. I am sure once they have a look more than one light bulb will go off over their experience raising R, my daughter’s birthmother. I am hoping the more they know about the many factors behind he RAD with my little girl, the less they feel like it is all their fault, and the more willing they will be to assist in helping us to help her. It sounds confusing, but when you are in an open adoption, you need to have birthfamily understanding as a consideration.
I am also in hopes that opening this line of communication about Cierra’s attachment issues and what we are doing will also provide them information to help the little brother they are raising. They have already expressed that the baby’s Dr. Is wondering about Autism, among other possible things, I however am seeing a little boy, who though not placed for adoption, has suffered from the loss of his mother and is needing similar help with attachment with the extended family who are raising him. Hopefully those extended birthfamily will take my support in the spirit that it is being given in, otherwise I really will be going “nowhere.”
Coming through this process to see what our child is going through, and learning about how to help her has really been a trip, one we have also not had a lot of support during. I was very upset this morning, because my mother-in-law, who was supposed to help me with a busy day today, let me down once again and canceled at the last minute. What she did was unfair and made my day about ten million times more hectic and nerve wracking than it needed to be, but I made it through. I also promptly rescheduled the other two visits with the therapist for another day and time, so I did not have to depend on being let down by my mother-in-law again.
I am learning, and I am not on the road to nowhere, not really. There is a destination in mind, a healing place, and today I saw a bit of light in that direction. If “nowhere” was where I was going though, I want those gas prices in the picture!
The Back To School, RAD Challenged, Morning Drives Begin!
Photo: Declan McCullagh
