Do you get nervous, butterflies in your tummy when it’s almost time for a visit? Is your child still a baby and you are just starting visits? In the beginning during those first few visits, I would be so nervous before and during the visits. I was quite unsure of myself and my role in Charlie’s life. We (his adoptive parents and I) were still feeling each other out and feeling our way along in our open adoption.

I was a big ole’ worry wart! I’m sure some of you can identify. (At least I hope I’m not the only worry wart out there.) I worried if I’d say or do the right or wrong things. I worried if something I said might accidentally hurt S or A’s feelings. I worried if Charlie might cry when I held him and my irrational hormonal thoughts always said if he cried it meant he didn’t like me!

Angee later confessed that she too worried prior to those first few visits. She too worried that she, S, or N might say or do something offensive. She worried that she might not have Charlie dressed “just” right. Hearing her confess that made me feel better in a way because I wasn’t the only one nervous and worrying before and during our visits.

Now, five years later, am I still nervous before visits? No! I feel excited and anxious. I’m very excited to spend time with Charlie and look forward to our visits, interacting with him, and his family. It’s a much different feeling than the nervous, jittery anxiety I used to feel. I’m much more comfortable now too about my role in Charlie’s life and who I am to him.

So, my best advice to those birthmoms (and adoptive moms too) who may be having nervous butterflies before and during those first few visits: be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are to your child and to each other.