One of the negatives of open adoption definitely has to be all the emotions that go along with it. While every birthmother deals with emotions and grief, sometimes the emotions of being a birthmother in an open adoption can be a little unique. As I have said before I think the word that really describes the experience of being a birthmother in an open adoption best is bittersweet.

Just like a birthmother in any other type of open adoption I have had to grieve my losses of mothering Charlie. It’s been rough. There have been many sleepless nights, many tears shed, and much heartache as a result of my choice for Charlie. While pregnant and making an adoption plan, I imagined that grieving would be hard but I don’t think I really grasped the concept that it would be a life long process. I think I just thought the time immediately following Charlie’s birth would be hard. I don’t think I realized that six years later I’d still be grieving. Yes at times, the grief is less, but it still affects me often.

Unique to open adoption is the fact that I am often facing the loss I’m grieving head on. I grieve the loss of my motherhood and my ability to mother Charlie yet per open adoption, I’m constantly watching someone else mother him. Does that make open adoption harder than any other type of open adoption? I don’t know. Open adoption is all that I know, however, it does make it unique. Does that mean that I would prefer to not have an open adoption because I am facing the grief head on? No, it doesn’t. Again, it just makes it unique and it’s something that I as a birthmother participating in an open adoption have learned to deal with. It’s very bittersweet.

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Other Positives and Negatives in my NaBloPoMo Series:
1. Positive: Visits
2. Negative: Hearing Him Call Someone Else Mom
3. Positive: My Relationship with Charlie's Adoptive Parents
4. Negative: Moments Missed
5. Positive: Moments I haven't Missed
6. Negative: Society's View
7. Positive: No Searching

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