One of the negative aspects of open adoption (again, this would apply to adoption in general from the birthparent’s point of view) that is really difficult for me personally is the things that I do not know about Charlie. . Granted because I have an open adoption there are so many things that I do know about Charlie, that other birthmothers who do not have open adoptions probably do not know about their birth children, but it’s the little things that I do not know that eat me up sometimes.

I know so much about Noah; so many things that only a mother knows about her own child. It’s more than just trivia things like his favorite food, favorite story, or favorite color. I can tell you what he does when he gets sleepy, what certain whines mean, what he does when he is starting to get a cold, what he does first when he is waking up, etc. You get the point – I know a lot of the non-trivia things about Noah, the things that only a Mother knows.

It pains me and breaks my heart at times that I don’t know all of these things about Charlie. I do know the trivia things like his favorite color and favorite book but it’s the things that you wouldn’t think to write in an update letter or tell a birthmother in a phone call that I don’t know and that I sometimes wonder about and fortunately because of open adoption, when I do think of things that I want to know, I can just jot it down as a reminder and ask A about it during the next phone call or visit, but part of what makes it heart breaking to me is that I have to ask. I’m not saying that I expect A to tell me every teeny tiny detail of Charlie’s life, but it’s the fact that I’m not there experiencing them to know for myself that makes them so painful.

Other Negatives in my NaBloPoMom Series:
1. Negative: Hearing Him Call Someone Else Mom
2. Negative: Moments Missed
3. Negative: Society's View
4. Negative: Emotions and Grieving


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