One of the biggest negatives that I have come across with our open adoption has to be society’s view of open adoption.

Society just doesn’t get it. People who do not have a direction connection to adoption (and even some of those that do!) don’t understand how in the world it could be beneficial for an adopted child to know both his birth family and his adoptive family, To begin with, many people don’t understand how a woman could just “give away her child” which would then make understanding open adoption very difficult. But for those who put that thought out of mind and just focus on the open adoption part, there is still a huge lack of understanding.

Much of society doesn’t see how it could benefit a child to know both families and spend time with his or her birth family. Some of society thinks that it might be confusing to have a child spend time with his adoptive mother and his “real” mother. Some of society also wonders how it hard it must be for a birthmother to place her child and then repeatedly see him or her over and over again over the years saying goodbye again and again at the end of each visit. And some of society has the whole “having her cake and eating it too” mindset meaning that they feel that a birthmother participating in an open adoption and seeing her child over the years gets to be included in the fun stuff but gets to miss all the difficult stuff. What they don’t know is all the difficult stuff that birthmothers go through emotionally and personally regarding dealing with open adoption and the grief that comes along with being a birthmother.

Sure, we (birthmothers) could use these comments, views, and stereotypes of society as the beginning of an educational platform to educate them about open adoption and birthmothers. (And sometimes I do!) But let me tell you from personal experience, dealing with the comments and views of society on a regular basis can be tired and overwhelming. There are times that you just want to be you and not have to constantly be talking or explaining this and that.

Society’s view is definitely what I see as one of the biggest negatives in open adoption.

--
Other Positives and Negatives in my NaBloPoMo Series:
1. Positive: Visits
2. Negative: Hearing Him Call Someone Else Mom
3. Positive: My Relationship with Charlie's Adoptive Parents
4. Negative: Moments Missed
5. Positive: Moments I haven't Missed

Photo credit