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I think one of the negatives of open adoption (or well any adoption rather) is the moments that I as a birthmom and mom have missed. I try not to think about them constantly, as I’d probably be a pretty miserable person if I did, but believe me I aware of what I am missing and what I have missed. It’s in the back of my mind often when I am thinking back over my years as a birthmother.
There all the firsts that I missed, like his first smile, the first time he slept through the night, when he first started crawling, his first tooth, first word, first bite of baby food, first steps, first day of kindergarten, and so on…..
Then there are the holidays that I miss on a regular basis. I don’t get to see him run out into his living room all excited at five AM on Christmas morning to see what Santa brought him, just as I did as a child. I don’t get to see him ripping into his Christmas gifts. I don’t get to walk into his bedroom on his birthday and wish him a happy birthday. I don’t fill his Easter basket or hide his Easter Eggs. I don’t take him Trick –or-Treating. You get it – it’s depressing to continue the list much more, but I’m not there, I don’t see it. I just hear about it later.
Then there are the every day moments I’m missing. The Simple little things that many probably take for granted like having Charlie at my dinner table for family dinners, arguments (yes, I miss those little arguments you sometimes have with your kids!), bath time, school supply shopping, being with him when he is sick, baseball games, you know – just all the every day life stuff. I miss seeing him and his brother bond. I miss their brotherly spats.
Yes, I’m missing a lot and it hurts. It breaks my heart and is sad to think about. In tomorrow’s positive post, I’ll write about the moments I haven’t missed.
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Other Positives and Negatives in my NaBloPoMo Series:
Positive: Visits
Negative: Hearing Him Call Someone Else Mom
Positive: My Relationship with Charlie’s Adoptive Parents
More on Moments Missed:
Missing the Baby
Bicycles Made Me Cry!
Photo Credit: Coley Strickland
As a waiting adoptive parent I have a question for you. What can we do to make those losses easier?
I miss those little things. Hearing about them second hand hurts just as much.