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Myth number 1: Open Adoption is a form of co-parenting.
Myth number 2: Birthmoms in open adoptions will come and kidnap or steal their children.
Myth Number 3: Open adoption is easier on a birthmom.
I think it is a common myth that birthmothers in open adoptions have an easier time grieving or “moving on” since they remain a part of their child’s life. I actually recently touched on this subject in a post over in the Crisis Pregnancy Blog. Regardless of the type of adoption a birthmother has she is going to experience sadness, heartache, and grief over the years as she mourns the loss of her motherhood.
While seeing Charlie and maintaining an open adoption does bring me a sense of peace and relief knowing that he is healthy, happy, and well loved; I still hurt, grieve, and have pain like any other birthmother. I hurt when I see him and have to say goodbye. I hurt on his birthday and through out the year because I am not the one preparing his birthday cake, filling his stocking, etc. I hurt when I hear him call someone else mother. I hurt when I see the close relationship between him and his sister. I hurt that I do not know all his likes, dislikes, and personality characteristics as I do with the son I parent.
Myth Number 4: Open Adoption does not allow a birthmom to “move on.”
Birthmothers of any type of adoption open or closed will tell you that it is impossible to “move on.” Once you have experienced a life altering event, such as placing a child for adoption, you will never be the same. Moving on implies that you forget your child and just carry on as all is normal in life and this is impossible.
I prefer the term “moving forward” much more than moving on. I have tried to move forward in my life since entrusting Charlie to his adoptive parents. There are times when I take baby steps backwards in my grieving process but then I realize that I am moving forward again.
“I prefer the term “moving forward” much more than moving on.”
I like that Coley! I use “moving on” at times, but also qualify it by saying that doesn’t mean forgetting or getting over it.
It is true no matter what adoption you are part of, it is difficult. I like the term “moving forward” too, though I also take steps backwards.
“Moving forward” sounds much better then “Moving On”. Because we all know that while we move forward some days we just slid down that hill and have to start again.