Myth Number Two: Birthmoms will come and steal or kidnap their child(ren).

Oh, this is a fun one to tackle at the moment in light of the Alison Quets case, the birthmom who recently kidnapped her own twins from their adoptive parents after she battled them for custody in the court systems for seventeen months. I think it’s important to keep in mind that this case is far and few between. It is rare.

Most birthmothers in open adoptions don’t get to the desperate point that Alison Quets did. You must keep in mind with her case, that there were many wrongs. She tried to revoke her consent not long after signing. That case and her desperate act are rare.

But, even before the Alison Quets case, I’ve heard it mentioned that others (people uneducated about adoption) have this pre-conceived notion that open adoption makes it easier for a birthmom to kidnap her children. In fact, people have said this to A. before once they find out I have been to their home, know where they live, their address, etc. I asked her what she does when people say this to her and she has three different responses, just depending on her mood. She will a.- look at them like they are crazy; b – tell them she will kidnap him back since she knows where I live too or c- educate them that open adoption is based on love, trust, and respect and that we each have love, trust, and respect for each other and respect the boundaries of open adoption.

Also, most birthparents don’t have court ordered visitation rights as Alison Quets did. The adoptive parents in other open adoption situations have the control to say whether or not a birthmom can have her birthchild for an overnight visit, take them alone somewhere on a visit, or if they should all just visit together. It’s up to the adoptive parents and the birth parents as to what both parties and the child are most comfortable with. As A. tells people, open adoptions are built on trust!


Myth Number One: Open adoption is a form of co-parenting.