In my support network series, I have talked about the support of old friends. I also am lucky to have the support of new friends, but want to focus on one in particular today.

The days, weeks, and months after relinquishment can be some of the toughest times in dealing with adoption. As you have read, I had good, supportive friends and family members to talk with after relinquishment. But they just didn’t “get it.” With none of them being birthmothers, they could only try to understand and sympathize.

Late one night, I was home alone with a breaking heart. I then realized I needed to talk to another birthmom. I needed someone who would really understand the heartache and loss I was feeling. I turned on my computer and began to type birthmother into the search engine. I didn’t come up with much. Then I found the forums at adoption.com. I started cruising through the forums, looking for another birthmother in a situation similar to mine. I stumbled upon an “Is anyone out there” post by a young woman named Lani.

Lani was just a few years younger than me and she had her baby four days before Charlie’s birth, which was also my birthday! She’d placed her baby in an open adoption too. She lived only a few hours away in the next state over. We began chatting via email and the emails turned to phone calls. She was really there for me. She understood what I was feeling before I even could get all the words out of my mouth.

I met Lani in person for the first time that December, late one night at the Waffle House, as she traveled through my town on her way to her daughter’s baptism a few states away.

Five years later, she really truly is my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without her. In the beginning, we mostly talked about adoption, but now our friendship is about so much more than adoption; it’s about supporting each other through good times and bad. She stood with me as a bridesmaid in my wedding. She drove up to attend Darcy’s memorial service. Heck, she even named her new baby after me!

I truly am blessed to have her support and unconditional love.