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“Moving on.” Have you heard that phrase in relation to your grief as a birthmother before? I certainly have and have learned that older birthmothers from the closed era heard it even more frequently than I do now as that was the norm back then. What about the phrase “get over it?” I can’t recall an instance in which someone told me that in regards to adoption although I do have friends who have had it said to them.
To me personally, moving on implies moving on and getting over it implies that you are just moving past something and forgetting about it. As a mother, even though I’m not raising my son, I can’t ever just forget him. Even if I didn’t have an open adoption he would still forever be a part of my heart.
I much prefer the use of the phrase “moving forward.” To some this might just be considered splitting hairs over the words but to me moving forward is really what I’m doing as a birthmother.
I’m moving toward the future because I know that I can’t go back and get a “do over” for the past. I’m making new goals and trying to fulfill new dreams.
Does moving forward in my life, creating new goals and dreams, mean that I am moving on and forgetting my child? Of course not! Yes, I’m moving forward in life. For the most part, I’m happy and content with my life, but I will never ever “get over” the loss of my motherhood to Charlie. I am not consumed by my grief, it doesn’t control mu life, and in time, I’ve come to accept it. As I travel forward in life, he may not be with me in my everyday life but he is a part of my life and he is always and forever a part of my heart and soul.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Deborah
http://maternitymotherhood.net