In my last post, I discussed how someone recently said that I was not what they expected when they found out that I was a birthmother.

When responding to and dealing with comments, one of the first things I do quickly and mentally is to think about my relationship with the commenter. Is this person a stranger I that I will probably never see or speak with again that started chatting in the card aisle at Hallmark? (Yes, that’s happened before, where I am talking about being a birthmom in the middle of Hallmark!) Or is this person someone that I will probably bump into again and I’m not really friends with them but they are more of a passing acquaintance? Or is this person someone who I am getting to know and will probably form a relationship and on going friendship with them?

Obviously, if the person is someone I am not going to see again, if they are being negative, I probably will not go into a long explanation or share very much information with the person, but if it is someone that I am becoming friends with and will have an ongoing friendship with then I am much more obliged to share as adoption and being a birthmother is a huge part of my life, since it is what I do.

In writing this post, I started thinking about why I hate the comments people make so much and I think for me personally it’s probably because I feel judged more than anything! I can not stand someone judging me before they really know me and I think the thing in life I probably tend to feel most judged about is my status as a birthmother, my choice to place Charlie for adoption, and my participation in an open adoption. I also sometimes feel judged when I talk about trying to get pregnant and the person I am talking with knows I am a birthmother. It’s as if they sometimes think that I am either going to place all the children I ever give birth for adoption or since I placed a child for adoption, I can’t be a good mother.

In my next post, I will discuss how to deal with negative comments, so stay tuned!

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Related Posts:
Annoying Comments about Birthmoms in General
Annoying Comments about Open Adoption
You’re not What I Expected