Comments on: Loving More than One Mother

By: laura ann

laura ann — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 22:42:26 +0000

Where to begin – I feel bad for anyone who can’t understand that love is meant to multipy not divide. I am a birth mother in search of my son – now 33 – who was born overseas. I have had no luck in finding him. My own daughters, although seemingly encouraging, wonder what will happen if I find him…..will I love them less…..a thought I can hardly wrap my mind around. I am also a step mom and am constantly told “but they are not your kids, how can you love them the same?”
Love is postive ~ love can only grow ~ Love is not self serving. I can only hope that people can “grow up” and learn that.

By: babsie

babsie — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 14:10:06 +0000

My adoption was closed, because that was the way it was then, also. However, my birth mom’s sister-in-law and her brother (my aunt and uncle)were “appointed” news keepers over me – they reported my whereabouts (to a point), my development, when I married and generally how I was doing. All of this they reported back to my birth father’s brother – and his wife. My birth mother took her life when I was 18months old, and my birth father was an alcoholic. My family tried to keep me within the core but it just wasn’t going to happen – my father would either not let his brother adopt me nor would he let my mother’s family have me. So they went outside the family and I was adopted by a wonderful couple who could not have children. I wasn’t told (my adoptive mother swore all to secrecy)about being adopted. I was five when I was taken in, six when the adoption came through and 27 when I found out about being adopted, and by accident at that! My birth aunt and uncle were friends of one of my adopted mom’s nieces. When I discovered my adoption my parents told me whom to call and I launched my search from there. It was easy since I had known my aunt and uncle all my life. I would say my adopted mom was a bit uneasy at first – she was old school. She was afraid of what I might and might not remember. But after a while she was glad I searched. My first cousin and I are as close today as we were as little kids. As a matter of fact, my birth family still referred to me by my birth family name. She has been a great source of information on my birth father’s side of the family. My adopted family and extended family, were happy and relieved they didn’t have to keep THE Secret any longer. Outside of one cousin on my adopted side, it’s been a blessing. I love them all and it is mutual. My birth mother is buried at Arlington Cemetery and as I have learned of her service to our country in WWII I couldn’t be more proud of her and she is an inspiration to me; I also visit her when I’m at home in VA. I couldn’t have asked for a better set of parents who raised me and cared for me growing up.

By: arlinekunk

arlinekunk — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:03:27 +0000

I am an adoptee, my adopted parents, first my dad died, and my adopted mother remarried, and her new husband decided I did not met his requirements to be a part of their lives. I did not hear from her for over 10 years and then she contacted me, that lasted a few years, they kept moving and otherwise seeing her once or twice or her calling me I had no relationship with her. My so called adopted family, aunts, uncles and the like ceased to have me in their lives as well. Apparently, since I was adopted and my parents were gone I wasn’t a part of their lives anymore either. It hurt a lot, I still have several cousins that bother with me, but they are not local and it’s hard not having a family around. I do have my husband and children, most of them, but it’s even more difficult knowing you have a biological family out there and cannot find them. I did get my non id info from the adoption agency, and have been searching for years. Cannot afford a paid searcher. My birth mother is still my mother, as was my adopted mother. She was not an egg donator, how awful. The time when I was born was different, if you got pregnant you were a dirty secret and the child in most all cases was put up for adoption. I know a bit of background, and she waited a long time to finally sign the papers and I was in a boarder home. She married and was pregnant again, and they were going to bring me home, but the additional pregnancy apparently made in financially impossible, or so it was according to the agency. I have always had this yearning, this big empty spot wanting to find my biological family and hopefing they would accept me. As I grow older it is harder to imagine I will never know. It was not my choice to be adopted, nor is it anyone’s when they are an infant or young, and in a lot of cases it wasn’t the birth mother’s choice either.

By: dragthor

dragthor — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:35:12 +0000

“She wondered aloud if her adoption had been open (instead of closed as that was the era she was born in)”

Sounds like a closed adoption to me.

By: Jenna Hatfield

Jenna Hatfield — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:26:24 +0000

dragathor; Perhaps you missed the name of this blog. This is the open adoption blog. Birth mothers in open adoptions are not just providing eggs, as it were. They are involved in their child's life as a means of encouragement to the child. They are available when and if the child has questions. They are emotionally supportive of the adoptive parents and the child. More over, children in open adoptions HAVE met their birth parents.

Please read the title of blogs before you make innocuous comments.

-Jenna Hatfield
AdoptionBlogs.com

By: dragthor

dragthor — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:59:26 +0000

You love a person who only provided the egg? What about the person who provided the sperm? You love a person you never met?