Today, it’s just one week away from Charlie’s six year old birthday! It is so hard to believe that I am six whole years into this adoption journey. That means I’ve been friends with A for six whole years now and I’ve been a part of their extended family (and them mine) for six whole years too! Some days it seems like it’s only been a matter of days since I held that tiny baby in my arms while other days it seems like it’s been a hundred years.

Six years ago today, he was still in my stomach doing tae-bo as I jokingly used to say. (His kicks were way stronger than Noah’s ever were!) Six years ago today, I was treasuring every little moment I felt from him, talking to him, and preparing to say goodbye because I knew that day was coming soon, I just didn’t know it would be as soon as it was! Like his older (half) brother, Charlie was impatient and came early.

It’s so hard not to go back to those days, not to remember those days while I was his only mother. Charlie will never remember those days, nor will he ever realize how special they were to me, but I do. I treasure them in my heart and this is the time of the year that I always go back and replay all those events in my mind.

I remember leaving the hospital so very scared that I might never see my baby again. Yes, S and A were promising an open adoption but it wasn’t legally enforceable and my hormones were raging and the thoughts just kept growing through my mind that they could just take Charlie and run and I’d never ever see him again!

This picture was taken at my very first visit. I look terrible in this picture but it’s actually one of my favorites. I think because all that the picture is not saying. It’s only about a week post placement, While I was pregnant, A had said to give them a month or so to bond with Charlie and then I could come visit, but in the hospital, she said, come this week! I can’t explain how much that first visit helped me. Yes, it was hard leaving without Charlie, but it was also good for me to see him, hold him, and know that promises were being kept. While holding him and talking to A during that first visit, it was then that I realized she loved me for me and that she was in this for long the haul and that her promises would be kept.

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Other Love Thursday Posts:
Bookworms
It's All About the Spaghetti
My Boys

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