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Last weekend we went to a special celebration, the first birthday party of my daughter Cierra’s littlest brother D. Today is his actual birthday. Happy first birthday D !
It hardly seems possible that one year ago D was born! I remember feeling a lot of things when this little fellow arrived. I was mostly worried about how we would handle some of the more delicate issues of having a new birth sibling with our daughter. It is one thing when a new baby comes into the household, but more complex when that new baby is not going to be living in your home, not going to be your child, but is still a sibling to your child.
I know when Cierra’s birthmom R first let us know she was expecting again, we assured her we would support her in her decision to parent her child. I feel like we did do the best we could to help and support her. Now our promise of support has been passed to her extended family, because unfortunately R has left the picture for both these children.
Although I know we are not D’s mom and dad, I still feel protective of him, just as I do my daughter. My way of trying to make it “all right” for both of these children now, is to try and find a way to help keep them connected, make sure they understand they are brother and sister. Sometimes in our anxiousness to keep these two involved with each other, we have stepped on a few toes. Fortunately for all of us, especially the kids, this early birthday gathering has begun to heal a bit of the misunderstandings.
What is clear is that both of these children have quite a few people who care about them. We care about little D, as much as if he were ours. This first year for D has not gone as I had imagined it when I first held the little guy at the hospital. That day I talked to a worried R and her mom about circumcisions (like I had only one experience with those before, making me an expert?), and I had envisioned a better, happier first year for baby D. I am not sure how things changed or went so wrong, I wish I could fix everything for him, but I can’t.
Coming together to wish little D a happy first birthday was really nice for all of us who remain though.. I hope my little girl will always remember the day, and can share the story with her baby brother when he is bigger. She helped him open presents, she helped him mess up his cake, just like a good big sister should do.
Happy first birthday D, we all love you!
Adoption, Siblings, And Lost Relationships
The Separated Siblings Relationship- A Piece Of Cake?
Photo: Copyright Deb Donatti 2007
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What a sweet picture of Cierra and her little brother!
Very sweet, and obviously pre-cake!