This is one of my very favorite photos of my son and his birthmom P. The picture was taken at the mother’s home where P had lived during her pregnancy, right after we had returned from court and finalizing Carson’s adoption. The get together that day was impromptu, but memorable. We agreed to meet at the mother’s home because P wanted to show Carson off to her many friends still residing there. Looking back now I wonder at some of the skeptical looks we received when the ladies learned who my husband and I were, but at the time I was happy and more focused on P than them.

I hear from many of the first moms here about how difficult that day really is, when the adoption of their placed child is made final, the legal ties are severed. Just knowing that makes it all the more amazing that I was able to capture the most beautiful smile from P in this photo. I know she must have been feeling a million different things, none of them easy, yet she smiled. I was as thankful for that smile as I was for the importance of the day for my family. To me that smile assured me that as difficult as the journey must be for P, she had faith in us as Carson’s family, and perhaps was beginning to understand her importance to us as well.

I remember hoping at that time, with that smile, I was also seeing the bud of self confidence that would take P into a better brighter place in her life. I know that the struggle with adoption loss never goes away, you do not simply “move on” with your life. I do however believe it is possible to come to other places and people who can move us in new directions, and help us find the joy and peace that we are deserving of. Adoption did that for me. I know I still feel the loss of a child that never was born to me, yet life and circumstances moved me to another place where I could find a way to smile and the children who today I love and parent.

This Love Thursday I feel happy that the spark of hope I saw in this photo smile might be coming into full bloom today out there for P. I know she has a new love in her life, and together soon they will welcome a child they are prepared to love and parent everyday. I am so very happy for them! I know she still have her rough times even while being a full time mommy to her new child. Some days doing something wonderful with her new baby might make her really feel what she has missed with Carson and it will hurt. I hope though that she will take a deep breath and enjoy those moments with her baby and also think about all the wonderful, loving moments she HAS shared with our son. I hope she will think about the day this picture was taken, bouncing Carson on her knee, sharing him with her friends and smiling the most beautiful smile back at me. She allowed me to be his mommy too and her smile gave me the courage to do it for the both of us.

Happy Love Thursday!