This is the week of the county fair in my area and the excitement is beginning to build for opening festivities on Wednesday night. Along with carnival rides, animal showings, tons of funnel cakes and cotton candy, there is the Little Miss and Mr.Contest and our Cierra is entered this year.

Lately our “Little Miss” is in one of her angry and combative cycles every time we turn around though, not solid contestant material to say the least. I am thinking if they gave out a ribbon for “Miss Antagonist” she would win this one hands down. Today the interview stage of the contest took place and though she appeared to do fine for the event, she later dropped something in the car and raged all the way home kicking seats and screaming at the top of her lungs, “I Waaaaant it NOW!” What a little princess huh?

I admit I am sadly regretting the day we sent in our application for this event, things are not working out as I had hoped. In my mind this was somehow gong to be one of those wonderful, bonding experiences for mother and daughter, something we have really needed more of lately. I envisioned the two of us becoming closer through the fun time we would have planning, preparing, and dressing up for this event. Somehow all the involvement in the contest (among other things) is just making our Cierra’s behavior more and more unmanageable. Nothing fun about that.

I think I am finding with a RAD touched child, you have to sadly let go of some of the hoped for normal things in life. What I DO have from this is a really beautiful picture of my daughter. The photographer Lori is a genius. She was able to nail this kid down for a split second and capture the ever fleeting part of her spirit that we continually long for in our lives. This picture is the happy, beautiful child Cierra could be every day, that is if she was not so afraid to just let herself. I love it when I can actually SEE that little person, I need it desperately to remind me of why I am struggling so hard to unearth her.

While I am not sure how this little fair contest will go, I at least feel glad to have the photograph. I spent the whole drive home looking at it and hoping that I can somehow find that little girl in the picture and keep her around full time.

Adoption And Attachment - For The Birds?


Hope For The Future



Photograph- Photos By Lori, Lori Massey 2007