I thought my lifebook series was complete, but a comment in one of the lifebooks posts got me to thinking about circumstances where a child’s birthmom might not be able to make a lifebook.

Chances comment: I have also made one for my adopted son that I explain to him who these people are, and I have put pictures that I have (before he came to live with us), and as much of his family tree as possible. But I had just copied your post and I am going to send it to his b.mom and see if she would be interesting in making a book from her perspective.

Perhaps a child’s birthmom is not involved or she is not interested in making a lifebook, what should you do then?

This situation has come up with Charlie’s sisters’ birthmom. She is not able to make a lifebook for N right now but N sees Charlie’s and really wants one of her own so A and I have discussed making one with some of the photos they have until her birthmom can assist in making her own.

In circumstances like these, I think it is ok for the adoptive parents to try to make a special book for the child about his or her birthfamily but I have a few suggestions.

• Ask your child’s birthmom first if she wants to make a lifebook, don’t just assume that she doesn’t or will not.


• If cost may be an issue, buy her some materials that she could use to make the book with. Again, keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be fancy, it really is the information that is key.

Now once you have talked to your child’s birthmom, if she still can not or does not want to make a lifebook, then you could make a special scrapbook for your child that contains pictures and information about him or her and his/her birth. It’s not quite the same format as a lifebook but still special.

Here are a few tips and ideas if you are the one making the scrapbook:

• If birthmom will help, ask her different questions and use those in the pages of the book, biographical type questions about herself, where she grew up, etc…



• If you have enough information, make a biological family tree for your child or make a family tree that includes your child’s adoptive family and biological family.



• Include in the book any information about your child’s entrance into the world. Include any hospital photos you may have, his/her full name, weight and height info, etc…



• Journal your thoughts the first time you saw your child.



• Journal your thoughts about your child’s birthmom, list any characteristics or traits they may share.

Any scrapbook that lets your child know how special he or she is to both his/her Moms will be special to him/her too!


Related Posts:
Creating a Lifebook Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Lifebook Resources and Ideas
Lifebook Quotes