Recently I received an email from an adoptive mom in a semi open adoption. She was asking for advice on what kind of things to include in the update letters she sends to her child’s birthmother as well as what type of photos to send.

Letters
The update letters an adoptive parent sends to a birthmom mean a lot to her so please take your time writing us a letter. Don’t scribble a quick note as you run out the door to the post office. Take a bit of time and sit down and write that letter.

Below are a few things that we love to hear about our child and that you should or could include in update letters.

• Tell us about their firsts such as first tooth, first word, etc… Yes, it’s a tad painful to hear what we are missing, but most birthmothers still want to know when their child reaches milestones. Charlie’s adoptive mom would call me to tell me about his firsts before calling her mother. That meant a lot to me.



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• We love to hear/read about any physical characteristics or personality traits that our child may have that are similar to us. It’s very validating to a birthmother for their child to look like them or act like them.



• We also like to know little things like our child’s favorite color, song, or food.



• Share cute stories about our child, places he/she has traveled, etc…

Pictures
Pictures of our child mean a lot to us. We treasure them and are always anxious to get them and excited when they do arrive.

A few tips about sending your child’s birthmom pictures:

• Send snapshots too! Professional pictures are great but we like the every day snapshots of our child just being a kid with food all over his face or splashing around in the bath tub.


• Send pictures of our child alone, but also send pictures of our child with family members. We placed our child into a family so pictures with the family are good and can reaffirm our decision at times.



• Write the date on the back and the names of any people we might not recognize in the pictures or any cute stories that go along with the picture.



• If we have sent something for our child such as a stuffed animal or a t-shirt, try to make a special effort to include it in a picture.

Also, please keep in mind that we are counting on these update letters and pictures. They mean the world to us so please try and send them on time when you have agreed to send them. If they are late we feel hurt and forgotten.

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Related posts:
Sending Photos to Your Child’s Birthmom