I have learned many lessons since becoming a birthmother and this is just one of the many….

Last night, Charlie’s Adoptive Mom, A, called me to discuss something not adoption related that she saw on the news. We chatted for awhile after discussing that about other various things and then our conversation somehow turned to children’s names. She made the comment to me that I could have wanted to name Charlie “hot dog” and she probably would have agreed. Then of course, she said she wouldn’t have quite agreed to “hot dog” but she definitely would have been willing to work with me.

For me, it was one of those kind of “I wish I would have spoke up” moments. One of my regrets is not giving Charlie a name of my own choosing even if they would have changed it later on but at that time, I was hesitant to choose a name for him because I thought if they changed it totally or didn’t keep at least part of it, that I might become resentful later on down the road so I just said nothing and let them choose a name.

If I’d only spoke up!

Once I speak up, six years too late, I might add A says that she always wanted to offer me more of a role in the naming process but was afraid to because I seemed adamant about not choosing a name and now she feels bad for not doing so.

If she’d only spoke up!

But now, it’s too late, but really it’s ok. It’s not something that either of us are going to dwell on because frankly, what’s the point. He looks like a Charlie, he acts like a Charlie, he IS a Charlie!

But the lesson learned in all of this is: speak up! Sometimes it may seem scary to do so (I know that’s a big reason why I didn’t do it) but I think it’s better to overcome the nerves and do it than to not do it and regret it later.

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Other Lessons I have Learned:
A Lesson Learned about being Open
Lessons Learned from being a Birthmother
A Lesson Learned from Adoptive Mothers and Adoptees