One scenario of an interfamily adoption could be a situation where the grandparents are the parents, meaning one the child’s set of grandparents adopt him or her becoming his/her legal parents.

This is the case for fellow birthmother, J. Her parents adopted her daughter K, who is now ten. I had the opportunity to ask J a few questions about how their interfamily adoption is working out and will share the questions and answers with you as they provide interesting first hand insight into an interfamily adoption.

How has this interfamily adoption affected family dynamics?
“I no longer have the support from my family that I had growing up. My mom was always my best friend I could talk to about anything. Things are more touchy and distant now. I don't think they know who I am or understand my values and goals. There is a wall between us. We talk daily about trivial things but there are many untouchable topics. They've made it clear we will not be talking things out ever."

Has it affected things with just your parents or other family members as well?
"It has affected my other relatives more so because they don't know what to say to me anymore since they don't know the interworking of the situation or what is appropriate. I'm like a friendly stranger I suppose. You don't discuss anything meaningful, you smile while you talk to them and only talk for a few moments before coming up with some reason you need to go."

Does your daughter understand or seem confused by any of this?
"She does understand that I'm her biological mother but she does not understand why there is friction and why there are restrictions on our relationship. She doesn't understand why there are secrets or things unspoken. She hasn't said that but she tiptoes around topics to see if I'll talk about them since my parents won't. She gets frustrated and cries and says she doesn't understand why we can't all live together because she wants to be with me AND them."

What advice do you have for others who are involved in an interfamily adoption?
"Be sure that it is clear who will play which roles and what the boundaries are. Even what names people will have. All relationships include boundaries, but family members (outside of this adoption situation) generally have fewer boundaries whereas I feel that this adoption has put up walls. Clear expectations make people feel comfortable and safe. And I think people should work together as a unified front for the child as well as keep no secrets so there are never any sudden revelations that could damage the child's trust."

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Related Posts:
Interfamily Adoptions
Relative Adoption Information