In this short series on interfamily adoptions, I shared with you the story of one birthmother whose parents adopted her daughter. Today, I’d like to share the story of two sisters; one sister adopted the other sister’s baby. I recently had the opportunity to ask the birthmother in this interfamily adoption a few questions.

There are eight years between sisters M and A with A. being the elder sister. M. says that she has always looked up to her older sister, been able to talk with her easily about anything, and is much closer to this sister than any of her other siblings.

When M. found herself in an unplanned pregnancy, she and her boyfriend decided that making an adoption plan would be the best thing for their unborn daughter. M. was leery though at the thought of handing her baby over to strangers that she had only known for a short period of time. As she shared her decision with her sister and the cause of her hesitations, her sister offered to adopt the baby.

M. and her boyfriend agreed to this and A. adopted their baby becoming the baby’s adoptive mother and biological aunt which also makes M. the baby’s birthmother and adoptive aunt. Complicated, huh?

Just as with any other adoption situation, there have been ups and downs and like most interfamily adoption situations it has affected the family dynamics and the relationship M. had with her sister.

The adoption has seriously affected the relationship that I have with my sister, and the way we talk about events and what is going on in our lives. For instance if I have had a bad day in reference to adoption (like I am missing my daughter more than usual on that day)then she can’t really be objective because she is involved deeply in that particular subject. But if our conversation is about just basic life events that go on then she is still the sister I can talk to about it.

And just like any other adoption situation, interfamily adoption situations require honesty and the child knowing that they are adopted from an early age so that the adoption is not treated as a deep dark “family secret.”

Our daughter will always know she is adopted and that I am her birthmother. It will be further explained to her in detail in an age appropriate manner and we will answer any questions she has. This will not be treated as a family secret. My sister’s kids were at an age where they can reasonably understand adoption and what it meant. I will primarily have the aunt role as that is what I am to my sister’s other kids.

And last but not least, I asked M. if she had any words of wisdom for others out there who are involved in an interfamily adoption.

Try and keep it open as much as possible. The more openness there is I feel there is likely to be less confusion in the long run. It will make things easier. And if you can’t have openness at least set boundaries for what your roll as a birth parent will be. Also keep an open mind to what the other might feel or need.

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Related Posts:
Interfamily Adoptions
Grandparents Became the Parents