In this series of posts I would like to talk about what independent, or non-agency adoption can involve. I will also briefly profile one of our own three journeys through adopting independently.

Many adopting parents for various reasons consider Independent adoption. This type of adoption involves locating a potential birthmother and/or birthfamily through your own searching and then approaching an attorney to assist with the legal aspects if everyone agrees to move toward an adoption plan. Usually a child placing agency is NOT involved and the prospective adopting couple and potential birthmother work together to set the details. Some potential parents favor this type of adoption because in most cases it can mean adopting faster and they will have more say about the exchange of information and level of contact. The costs may also be less compared to an agency placement. In addition they may feel they have more control over the kind of prospective birthmothers that they might be presented to and how they are portrayed (since your doing this yourself). This type of adoption can also feel less competitive as you are not being presented by anyone grouped along with other couples also seeking to adopt. Some also chose independent adoption because they do not wish to be restricted by limits some agencies set regarding a couple’s age, income level, religious belief, infertility, or number of other children already in the home.

The first step if you are wishing to pursue independent adoption would be to make sure that it is legal in your home state. Some states don’t allow independent adoption, and others don’t allow the advertizing that may be needed to connect to a potential birthmother. Other families prefer to use word of mouth or friend and family connections in place of advertizing. While some are opposed to advertizing, even where legal, others believe it is a personal decision. It should always be presented as simply making your wishes to adopt know to a greater audience. A mother does not have to respond to your add if she finds it uncomfortable, and if she does respond it never means that she is then obligated to place her child.

As in any type of an adoption, a qualified home study should be completed. A licenced social worker to do this can often be found in the local phone book. This type of home study is very much like one an adoption agency might do. The social worker in this situation simply does a home study however, and is not responsible for finding a child to place in your home. Once your home study is complete, you can move on to locating a potential placement.

If advertising to locate a potential birthmother is legal where you live there are several ways to get the word out that you are seeking to adopt. The most common is through newspaper and magazine adds. The adds should be short, to the point with clear information on how to easily contact you. You can set up a P.O. box for those who might wish to write an initial contact and even a 1-800 number to receive phone calls. Shared personal information at this point is usually limited to this and your first names.

Adoption cards are another great way to connect. These are business size cards that usually include your first names, contact information and your wish to adopt. You can drop these cards in with your bill payments, letters to friends and family, and send to local doctors and others who may come in contact with women considering adoption. Some other places might be to post them at the local library, supermarket, Laundromat and leave them on a table when you eat out.

Once you receive some response to your networking you might wish to set up a meeting between you and the potential birthmother at public location that can offer you all a level of safety and comfort in your meeting. This meeting is simply to say hello, get a feel for each other and talk about what each of you would be interested in if an adoption were to occur.

Part Two: Matching and completing an independent adoption.