My co-blogger Deb just wrote an excellent series on independent adoptions and shared her personal journey of independent adoption.


My adoption was an independent adoption as well. I think there are both pros and cons for an expectant mom pursuing an independent adoption as well as a birthmom who has completed an independent adoption.

In an independent adoption, there is no middle man. You don’t have to go through a third party to contact the adoptive parents or for the adoptive parents to send you pictures and updates. While I see this as a positive, it can also be a negative. There is no middle man should things become sticky. Some agencies provide mediation should there be problems in the adoption.

At times during the adoption process there would be things I wanted to ask S and A and I would have to work up the courage to bring up the sensitive topics before I did. In an agency adoption, a case worker could have brought up those issues for me. However, I did like having direct access to S and A anytime I needed them.

Some in the adoption community feel that agency adoptions are much safer for birthparents. Whether you are using an agency or an attorney, you still need to do your research, make sure they are reputable, and know your rights.

Most well run reputable adoption agencies offer post adoption resources and support such as counseling and support groups. In an independent adoption, you generally have to find these resources on your own and once the adoption is complete you may not here from the attorney ever again.

Once I had placed Charlie and decided I needed counseling I had to find it on my own. I did call our attorneys office to see if they knew of any counselors with experience in birthparent grief but they did not. After making many calls I was able to find someone that I was told was sensitive to birthparent issues however she had no experience with birthparents.

There were times during the adoption process that it was apparently clear to me that the attorney was working for the adoptive parents. There were times I felt more like a dollar sign than a human being. However, the same can be said of some agencies.

In hindsight, I am still happy our adoption was independent and for us it has worked out well.