She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever laid my eyes on! There are a lot of things that have made my life as an adoptive father unique. One of those differences that I love is the fact that both of our adoptions were blessed by women who let us be part of the hospital experience.
For both adoptions, we were both in the delivery room. I imagine that adoptive parents are the only ones who are able to experience the joy of standing together, hand in hand, over the newborn child while the nurses suck out the baby’s nose, squirt goo into the child’s eyes, poke and prod and do all the things they were trained to do. Usually it’s the father that gets to watch while mom is still over in her bed. That’s one lucky thing we got to experience together as adoptive parents.
The nurses with our second adoption would not stop congratulating us after our little girl was born. We were in a delicate situation where we weren’t even sure if the birth mother was going to choose adoption, so all of the congratulations right there in front of her made my wife and me really uncomfortable. It was almost like they had a “congratulation button” that just couldn’t be turned off. Even after so many reminders, they kept doing it. It’s just what they had always done, I guess, and they couldn’t help but do it.
Being congratulated right in front of our daughter’s birth mom made it feel like we were rubbing it in her face that we were going to go home with the baby and she wasn’t. She was facing what is likely to be one of the most difficult decisions and times of her entire life, and we didn’t want to celebrate it right in front of her while she was still numb from the epidural.
The nurses kept asking us the questions and talking to us about the care of the child while still right there next to the birth mom. We knew that there would be a time to celebrate the adoption, even with our birth mom, but the first seconds and minutes after the birth wasn’t the time.
Even with our first adoption, with the birth mother having already decided that adoption was what she wanted, a celebration right in front of her when our son was just seconds or minutes old wasn’t the right timing either.
We knew there would be a time and a place for all of that, and it did come. The birth mothers who have blessed our lives are able to celebrate our family with us. Still, there were some awkward moments at the hospital, especially with the hospital that wasn’t accustomed to an open adoption.
I’m so glad that the birth mothers were willing to let us be a part of that day. With both circumstances, I think the birth mothers were able to brush off the awkward moment pretty easily. I’m so grateful for the wonderful women who let us share so much of their experience even though not everybody around understood fully what was going on!
What a beautiful experience you guys had. I think that so many times families forget to thank the birth mothers. Even if you can’t tell them thank you in person, it is so important to thank them anyway. We are so grateful every day for our daughter.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Russell My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby. That being said the birth mom is a friend of my sister in laws. She is 18 and this is her 2nd child. She is parenting the first child but neither fathers are in the picture. She has no resources to take care of this baby. That being said she told me yesterday that her step mother is trying to talk her into keep the baby. I explained to my husband the situtation and he is very hurt by it. After explaining the liklihood of her going back and forth he seemed to be more understanding. I also suggested we get her to go to a counslor. Do you have any more suggestions? I understand my husband’s nerves about the cost and the risk but I want to do what we can to help everyone be as comfortable as possible.
You are on the right path, pofbboys26. There are different types of counseling and she needs somebody she can lean on, even if that person isn’t a “professional”. There are support groups that are very helpful where people can share and relate to one another.
It’s so much easier said than done, but you’re right with what you’re working on with your husband. The birth mom is the only one who can make her decision to place, so hopefully she makes the right decision for herself and for the baby, whatever that decision is, and she doesn’t let other people talk her into something that isn’t right. If she decides to keep, I hope you and your husband are able to be a part of her support group (easier said than done).