She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever laid my eyes on! There are a lot of things that have made my life as an adoptive father unique. One of those differences that I love is the fact that both of our adoptions were blessed by women who let us be part of the hospital experience.
For both adoptions, we were both in the delivery room. I imagine that adoptive parents are the only ones who are able to experience the joy of standing together, hand in hand, over the newborn child while the nurses suck out the baby’s nose, squirt goo into the child’s eyes, poke and prod and do all the things they were trained to do. Usually it’s the father that gets to watch while mom is still over in her bed. That’s one lucky thing we got to experience together as adoptive parents.
The nurses with our second adoption would not stop congratulating us after our little girl was born. We were in a delicate situation where we weren’t even sure if the birth mother was going to choose adoption, so all of the congratulations right there in front of her made my wife and me really uncomfortable. It was almost like they had a “congratulation button” that just couldn’t be turned off. Even after so many reminders, they kept doing it. It’s just what they had always done, I guess, and they couldn’t help but do it.
Being congratulated right in front of our daughter’s birth mom made it feel like we were rubbing it in her face that we were going to go home with the baby and she wasn’t. She was facing what is likely to be one of the most difficult decisions and times of her entire life, and we didn’t want to celebrate it right in front of her while she was still numb from the epidural.
The nurses kept asking us the questions and talking to us about the care of the child while still right there next to the birth mom. We knew that there would be a time to celebrate the adoption, even with our birth mom, but the first seconds and minutes after the birth wasn’t the time.
Even with our first adoption, with the birth mother having already decided that adoption was what she wanted, a celebration right in front of her when our son was just seconds or minutes old wasn’t the right timing either.
We knew there would be a time and a place for all of that, and it did come. The birth mothers who have blessed our lives are able to celebrate our family with us. Still, there were some awkward moments at the hospital, especially with the hospital that wasn’t accustomed to an open adoption.
I’m so glad that the birth mothers were willing to let us be a part of that day. With both circumstances, I think the birth mothers were able to brush off the awkward moment pretty easily. I’m so grateful for the wonderful women who let us share so much of their experience even though not everybody around understood fully what was going on!