Many hopeful adoptive parents rule out the option of open adoption before they begin. Often the fear of emotional challenges that could present themselves in an open adoption can appear overwhelming to them. While openness in an adoption might not ideally be possible for every situation, are there ways for more adoptive parents to truly consider it?

It is clear that there can be certain obvious benefits to a family of adoption when they have a positive, open relationship with birthparents. As with any new relationship, it can be a frightening and unpredictable time though. A few guidelines to help those considering getting started in an open adoption relationship may be helpful.

Early on in an adoption relationship you might want to consider. . .

~Keeping an open mind about the possibility of contact. Meeting new people and building a trust takes time, adoption related or otherwise. Keep this in mind as you meet with your child’s birthparents at the start, and be open to the possibilities.

~Look toward the positives. Many people just do not consider openness because it can look like a ton of work, and “why do we need to do it anyway?” One of the main benefits for the child can be early answered questions, and feeling that they were in fact loved by their birthfamily first hand. Knowing a better picture of health history and what to expect while raising your child, can be an extra for adoptive parents. Looking past the challenges and assigning them less importance, in order to reap the positives, is one way to more fairly consider openness.

~Remember your commitment. This means your commitment to your child. If it is possible, and can be beneficial, can you accept the challenges of openness out of commitment to your child? Is it possible to step outside what you at first might feel comfortable with, and learn if openness in adoption can work for you? Remember how far you are willing to go to keep a positive connection will speak volumes in love to your child.

~Be prepared to be a leader. Often birthfamily are just as frightened as adoptive parents might be about the prospect of contact. As adoptive parents you need to be prepared to take the first step to open the door on contact and see what materializes. Being a leader means being fair and honest, but in authority. Leadership also mean learning to properly use authority and not abuse it.

~Surround yourself with appropriate support. This means positive support for what you are trying to achieve, open adoption. It does no good to attend an adoptive parent support group, if all of the members but you, are in closed or severely restricted contact adoptions. This type of situation can actually wear down your resolve, if you are consistently hearing the fears that are holding back those other adoptive parents, from considering perhaps more balanced relationships. Meeting others who are following the same style of adoption can help you find ways to better achieve it for yourself.

~Never close a door, without opening a window. So something you find does not work so well? That does not mean your open adoption needs to become a closed one. Leaving other areas open for future possibilities is important in open adoption. Becoming flexible with the changes and needs of those involved, means shifting the ways in which you connect if needed. This does not always mean shutting them down. Doors and windows are always possible to open, brick walls are not.

While the challenges and responsibilities of open adoptions might not be possible for every situation, it is well worth giving fair consideration. Fair consideration goes less on what is comfortable for you at first, and more on how comfortable you can make it become through dedication and effort. When you bring home a new child as adoptive parents you naturally want to do for you child what all new parents would, give them the world. Part of your child’s story, their world, is the story of their first/birthfamily. Don’t let fear of the unknown rob you and your child of the possibility of a healthy open adoption relationship.

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