As I wrote in The First Visit post, visits can be exciting, a little bit scary, and overwhelming all at the same time. But as time goes on, they typically (at least for me) become less awkward and much more enjoyable.

However, there is always a chance for problems. Below are a few tips on how you can avoid and deal with any tension and problems that may come up during, before, and after your visits.

1. Always communicate! If something comes up or is said during a visit that makes you feel uncomfortable, speak up and let the other person know. They probably do not mean to make you feel uncomfortable and do not realize that you are, so speak up and let them know.

2. Be honest! Always be honest about your expectations for visits and your feelings.

3. Be non-confrontational. If there is something that makes you feel uncomfortable or if something is said that hurts your feelings, do not jump on the other person or become overly defensive. Follow steps 1 and 2 above.

4. Be respectful! Be respectful of the other’s thoughts, feelings, boundaries, and personal space. Treat them as you want to be treated.

5. Be courteous. If you will be late for a visit or if you’d like to bring someone else with you to a visit, call the other person and let them know ahead of time.

6. Avoid distractions! Visits are about spending quality time with one another so if at all possible avoid distractions during visits such as your cell phone. Turn it off and return calls later.

7. Open adoption is a relationship! Keep in mind that open adoption is a relationship and just like any other relationship it requires work and commitment to make it work. If visits are continually uncomfortable, consider mediation.

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Related Posts in this Series:
The Importance of Visits
How to Plan a Visit|
Visit Activities
Preparing for a Visit Emotionally
The First Visit