I remember my first Mother’s Day. I thought it never would happen, after all I tried to have a child for some seven years before my daughter found me. That first mom holiday she was just a month old, so very precious and tiny, and so unaware of how her life was already forever altered by adoption. As it turns out I had a ton to learn myself.

That first Mother’s Day as I sat, holding her, I could hardly take my eyes off her, she was (and is) so beautiful. That moment in my life was one of the most happy. That is also when I just lost it in a wave of unexpected tears. This baby, this beautiful baby was going to call me mother all her life, but there was another mother out there who was holding the image of her beautiful baby in her heart and mind, but not her arms. While I was not totally responsible for that loss, I certainly felt like I was.

Contrary to how adoptive mothers are portrayed, I never wished away my daughter’s other mother, in fact just the opposite. I yearned for her to share in my daughter’s every precious moment with me. I wanted to talk to her about all the little things, and the milestones in our little girl’s life. How could I forget a woman with whom I shared such a sacred trust? No, she did not give me her baby, she gave me to her baby. I was this mothers gift to her daughter. Every year at this time I am grateful to be a mother, not grateful to anyone so much as I am just grateful to have the experience. Unfortunately my daughter’s birthmother has not been in contact, and that is why I also have a sad place in my heart every year on the shared holiday that celebrates our motherhood.

Over the years our tiny girl has changed so much! Ten years have turned her into a wonderful, caring little person so much like me, and so much like a woman she has never really known. My daughter has had her moments when she has cried for the lost mother in her life, but she is also quick to let me know that she is so happy to have me as her mom too. I would be wrong to deny my own motherhood to this child as much as I would be to deny that of her first mom, so I don’t.

I have enjoyed every Mother’s Day since that first one. I celebrate it, and I reflect. Mothering is so complex, so filled with every imaginable feeling and experience, it would be hard to say it is just one thing to everyone. All of us were mothered differently. We mother our own children in various ways, and we often have conflicting feelings about the title, the experience, and the way we are viewed. My wish is that every mother can find some moments of validation on the day set aside for just that.


The simplest thing I have learned during my ten-year run in the mothering race is that I am not alone. There are so many other moms just wanting to be acknowledged and to feel validated, no matter what our experience has been. Every mother should feel it.

To ALL the moms out there Happy Every Mother’s Day! You ARE important!

A Cool Link to a ton of different Mothering stories