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In the beginning of our adoption when my son was still able a baby, I dreaded leaving or him having to leave our visits. I dreaded having to say goodbye to him. I dreaded it even before the visit actually started, even in the planning stages that dread of saying goodbye to him was always there.
Each time I had to say goodbye, I was taken back to that moment leaving the hospital when I leaned down and gave my small baby boy a kiss and whispered my love for him in his ear. It was emotionally exhausting to go through that with each and every visit especially at that point in our lives when our visits were about monthly.
After awhile though, it became clear to me that Charlie’s parents were in this for the long haul. S and A had kept every promise they’d made to me and I could see that they were committed to our open adoption agreement, to maintaining a relationship with me, and making me and my family feel comfortable and included as a part of their extended family. The thoughts of them changing their phone number and running off to a deserted island hardly crept into my head anymore. That was when a little light bulb went off in my head and I finally realized that our separations were brief; they were not the big dramatic goodbyes I was making them out to be. I would see them again soon. I would see them again later.
Once that finally sunk in, parting ways at the end of a visit became easier for me. I began to look at as a “see you later” instead of a “goodbye.”
That may seem minor to some; just switching the wording around in your head as to how you look at the situation but it really has worked wonders for me. Yes, I’m still sad at the end of a visit, I’m sad our together time is over, but I’m not a weeping mess at the door as I was in the past because I know that I will see him later.
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Photo Credit: Coley S.
