A birthmother recently asked me this question:

My child has a sibling via adoption. When I send a gift for my child should I send a gift for her sibling too?

This probably just personal preference and not all birthmothers may agree, but when giving a gift to Charlie, I do give a gift to his sister as well. I do this for a few reasons.

First of all, Charlie’s sister, N, is important to me too. One of the reasons I chose the family I did to be Charlie’s adoptive family was because of N. It was important to me that Charlie have a sibling (preferably a sister) growing up. N was just four when I was pregnant with Charlie and such a sweetheart. We bonded instantly over a fierce game of Candyland when I had my first visit to their home and we have buddies ever since so buying N a gift on appropriate gift giving holidays (like her birthday and Christmas) seems only natural to me.

Secondly, N’s birthmother is not very involved with N’s life (by her choice) and while I can not replace her birthmother I can show her a birthmother’s love and be a positive influence in her life. If the tables were turned and I was the one not involved, I would hope that N’s birthmother would do the same for Charlie.

And lastly, it just seems like good manners and etiquette nowadays. For example, my best friend, Lani has two sons. I would not send a Christmas gift to one child and not the other; therefore, I include give gifts to both children.

Buying a gift for Charlie’s sister as well just something I do and have done and not something that I have given a lot of thought to. Ultimately, I consider Charlie and his whole adoptive family an extension of my own family and typically in my family we buy gifts for the children of our extended family members.

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Buying Gifts for Your Child


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