My everyday life today involves open adoption with the birthfamily of my three children, but often the subtleties of the relationships bring up flashbacks from my past, and the open adoption experiences that I shared growing up. That’s right, back in the 70's and early 80's, not only had some of us heard about open adoption, a few of us even were fortunate to have experienced it.

Two of my younger siblings, biological half-brothers, were adopted by my mother and stepfather at the tender ages of 3 and 4 years old. Though this was the late 70's, and well before most people were considering openness in adoptions. Our family just had to be different, and we opted to forge lifelong relationships with my two little brother’s extended birthfamily.

While I do recall meeting my brother’s birthmother B on one occasion just before their adoption was final, she was not involved in their lives on a regular basis. Their birthmother’s mother (their grandmother) and her older and younger siblings (their aunts and uncles) who lived near us in the same small town, were on the other hand very involved.

I don’t think I ever found our relationship odd or confusing as some are want to suggest open adoption can be, they were just additional family. Though I knew that these were the biological relatives of my siblings, they always treated me the same as they did the boys, and being involved with them is not something I would ever want to erase from my growing-up years.

My love for horses growing up was kindly nurtured by my brothers birth-aunt S, a teenager herself at the time, and just few years ahead of me at age ten. I have many fond memories of her taking me to the stables where she boarded her own horse, and teaching me to feed, groom, and ride. Once I was even allowed to be the first to ride a new horse purchased by the family, and choose a name for him. To this day whenever I think of horses, I fondly remember my time spent with S.

There were also many summer days all the children spent running through the sprinkler at grandma M’s home. M was my brother’s grandmother, but she felt like one to me as well. I always looked forward to her giving us dollars to meet the ice cream truck as it past her house. I also can’t forget the sleep overs in her downstairs den, which I am sure gave our mom and dad a huge break from our wild antics every now and then. Yes I am always thankful M was unafraid to practice open adoption, because I am sure people understood and supported it then even less than they might today.

There were also uncles and many cousins in my little brother’s birthfamily, all who have had some lasting effect on the way I feel about contact and openness. I went camping with one birth-uncle and his wife and the little cousins. There were afternoon motorcycle rides, a favorite activity with another birth-uncle. I also remember how grown-up I felt to be included when my dad and the boy’s birth-uncles took me “gigging”(night time frog catching!) That is one of the funniest memories I have from my childhood, because one of us inadvertently pulled the john boat plug, and were all frantically bailing water from the sinking boat as we raced to the shore (in the dark no less!)

No, open adoption was not very heard of back then, but what we did we know? We did it anyway, we did it our way, and from my perspective as a grown child of the experience, it could not have worked out better.

Note: I would have liked to have used some old photos from that time, but sadly most were destroyed in a house fire we suffered in 1984. This one sort of gives you the idea though...right?

An Adoptee’s Journey Back

What’s Your Connection To Adoption?


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