Last post I asked you to share your adoption fears with me and one reader wrote about the fear of a birthmother changing her mind and the financial impact of this. I’ll be honest here, I don’t really know much about this but I’d love to hear from all of you and learn more. I find it interesting that something that is a fear for an adoptive parent isn’t shared with a birthmother. This just reiterates my point that there is too much that we are not sharing with both sides of the table!
As a birthmother, I was never told anything about the financial risk or responsibilities of my choice for the adoptive parents. I have no idea what it costs for an adoptive parent to be chosen, then after the birth have the birthmother change her mind. I know I was told that if I chose adoption my medical expenses would be covered, and that if I changed my mind they would not. From my perspective I was under the impression that if I changed my mind there would be no costs to the adoptive family.
What costs do you encounter even if the birthmother changes her mind? I can see costs for education and counseling to prepare for becoming an adoptive parent, but those would not be something you would have to pay twice for if one adoption failed I would think. I would find it surprising that adoptive parents pay for medical expenses for a birthmother who changes her mind, but I could be wrong. Fees in adoption always baffled me. Other than the time for the counselor to help you out, I don’t really understand why there are other expenses – but I’d love to hear all of you sound off on this.
I once asked my son what he thought about fees in adoption. He replied that he thought the only one who should get any money is the child, they are the ones whose life is forever changed in the most drastic of ways, he felt the child should be the one compensated for what they would be giving up – the birth family, particularly when they have no choice in the matter. Interesting. But I should also note that he was 12 at the time I asked him!
I agree with the reader who fears expenses that may need to be repeated in a failed adoption – this is a very real and valid fear. Anyone who can shed some light on this would be most welcome – I want to hear from you! What can we do to change this? The purpose of identifying fears or problems in the adoption process should never be about simply complaining, but about taking a step towards solutions. Open communication is a tool for solving problems.
I look forward to your input as we solve this one together!