Months after most of the rest of the adoption community, I have finally finished reading The Girls who Went Away by Ann Fessler. I must admit that I was somewhat hesitant about reading this book. The book is a compilation of interviews that Ann Fessler conducted with many birthmothers who relinquished children in the era before abortions became legal. I wasn’t sure if I would have much in common with these birthmothers or be able to identify with their thoughts and feelings.

Boy was I wrong! Even though the birthmothers in the book placed years ago during the closed adoption era, I was able to identify and relate.

First of all, my heart went out to each of the women whose stories were featured as a part of the book. These women became pregnant during the days when birth control was not readily available. Some of them didn’t even know what birth control was. Once they became pregnant, they were shunned by their families and sent away to maternity homes to give birth and surrender their children. Many of them were not allowed to see or hold their children as birthmothers nowadays are. After they returned from the maternity homes, they were forced to go about their lives as if nothing happened, as if they had never given birth. They were told to forget about their child. While there are times nowadays that I still feel stigma and ridicule from society about being a birthmother, it is nothing compared to what these mothers faced and dealt with.

What I didn’t expect in reading this book was how emotionally draining it would be. Although my relinquishment was year apart from these women, I could identify with the feelings of loss and grief that they felt and in reading their words, all of that came back to me. There were many times I simply had to put the book down and walk away for awhile.

I read the book at the same time as several other birthmother friends were reading it. That was nice as we were able to discuss the passages that spoke to us the most and be there for one another when the reading got very emotional.

I guess the old adage is true that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

--
Other posts about this book from different blogs here at AdoptionBlogs:
Book Review: The Girls who Went Away by Lauri
Congratulations to Ann Fessler! By Jan
The Girls who Went Away by Dr. G
The Girls who Went Away and Me by Sandra