Last evening I was happy to get a return phone call from my son’s birthmom. We have all been anxiously watching the news here, and wondering about her extended family, who are in Nairobi, Kenya amidst all the current political turmoil there. Right now this is a very unsafe place to be, and the full accounts of what horror is going there on have not even made it into main stream media yet.

During Kenya’s recent December elections, a dispute occurred about who the actual winner turned out to be, and some fairly intense ethnic clashes have been going on. We have been very concerned because both Carson’s birthparents have widowed mother’s living in Nairobi, and both are of the Kikuyu tribe. The Kikuyu are the peoples currently being targeted and killed in the violence. Our son also has two aunts, an uncle, and one young cousin in the danger zone. His birthmom called last night to report that she has at this point heard from her side of the family, and that they are safe for the time being. We are all taking it day to day though, as anything could happen at any time.

Some of my own family here tend to shake their heads a bit when I am sitting and wringing my hands over issues transpiring a world away. While they might express how unfortunate the circumstances are in Kenya, or with another child’s birthfamily who is worried about a possibly chronically ill child, they don’t seem to view it as closely related to their own little world. I however cannot excuse myself from a deeper, more personal concern and worry over things like this. While I may not have ever met my son’s birthfamily in Kenya, I look into his little eyes everyday, and I clearly see them all as very connected to me. There have been times, when I embrace my son, that I feel like I have met them already, in part, through him.

To sit back and view the rough times and challenges that those in my children’s birthfamilies are experiencing, impersonally, would feel like I am also turning my back on my children. Of course that does not mean I am taking their birthfamily’s problems on as my own, but it does mean paying more attention to things going on thousands of miles away, because to my family, it does matter.

I know many parents who have adopted internationally also seem to make this connection with their child in mind, even if they do not know any birthfamily members. These parents often celebrate culture, language, and traditions that help them feel they are claiming their child’s country of birth as their own on some level. People often donate to programs that help those living in the areas where their child was born, as a way to possibly help someone who is somehow connected to their child. They study the history, and seek to connect with others in their own community who share that same heritage as their child. By doing this we are showing our kids that who they are, and who they come from matters more to us, than just some random stranger’s story on the evening news. I think most parents realize that there is something to be gained in making these connections for them as well.

Just talking on the phone to my son’s birthmom felt good for me. I truly miss her, she is a sweet caring person, and her moving father away last year has been hard on all of us in some respects. I can only imagine how powerless she feels able to watch what is going on in her homeland, and yet unable to do anything to help her family. My love for our shared little boy, and for her, makes me feel the worry and concern that I do for the family who are caught in the bad situation that Kenya is now embroiled in. I will continue to pray that they will remain safe, and that sometime in the future we will be able to meet with them all. Until that time I will continue to watch the news reports with heightened interest, but I will never see some of the reports from those far away places in the same distant and unaffecting way.

Here is a great place to read more of what is happening right now in Kenya - Kenyan Pundit

For those who wish to send relief aid - Kenya Red Cross

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