I cannot tell you how sick and tired I am of this attitude that adoptive moms are nothing more than greedy, baby- hungry, family wreckers! For the majority of adopting parents, nothing is farther from the truth. No one would fault a biological mother for desiring a child because she wishes to know the joy of being a parent, yet adoptive parents are often fair game for accusations of self-centered ideals if they too wish to joyfully parent a child.

Most adoptive parents come into a situation, as unfortunate as it might be, that is already set in motion within the biological family, they are not the catalyst. Adoptive parents, simply by their desire to adopt did not start the birthfamily’s crisis, just as surely as they (and adoption) are not always the solution for it. When adoption does occur though, should adoptive parents feel guilty about it? How about International adoption? Should potential adopters feel guilty enough to walk away from adopting in order to keep a clean conscience there as well?

In domestic adoption anything that happens in most cases to result in placement hinges on the decisions of the biological family more than any decision of those who hope to adopt. The decision can be to voluntarily place a child, or to make poor choices in other areas that result in the child being removed and subsequently placed. That is not to say that unethical things do not happen in some cases, causing an adoptive placement, but that is not the norm. Just as those in society unfairly choose to view placing parents as uncaring, it is equally unfair to catagorize all adoptive parents as people who swoop down in the middle of the night and steal a child from an unwitting family.

Most adopting families strive very hard to be caring and compasionate involving the biological families of children who might be placed in their care. As with my own family, many adoptive parents strive to educate themselves about the issues, reach out for better contact and communications with birthparents, and have greater care concerning the wholeness and individual needs of the children they adopt. Yet when the anger and rage comes out over the resulting losses in adoption, adoptive parents are often tried, convicted and hung as the “evil adopters” in the minds of many. Are people who adopt evil just because they desired to raise a child? Hardly.

Personally I am angry for recently being slammed for my decision to consider adoption. I do not feel like those who have an agenda to end adoption are considering the interests of children who find themselves in need of transitioning into another family. By condemning the families who wish to step up and welcome these children through adoption they find a convenient scapegoat for a much larger, societal issue. No adopters are not “evil” and unfortunately because of the world we live in adoption will be an option for many children, so we need to make it the best we can for those whom it will affect.

Adopters Do Not Cause Adoption

Slamming Adoption: Don't let it slide

Why Adoption?