Today, I just can’t seem to force myself to specifically write about adoption or even to write about the upcoming Christmas holiday. For today, I am just sad, broken hearted and I need to let myself be that way.


For those of you who are reading this, who may be feeling sad, too; today let’s unite.

December 16th, a year ago today, was the due date of my third pregnancy. Earlier in my pregnancy I had lost our baby girl, whom we named Darcy. This day last year was very hard as I was thinking of the loss of my parenting and mothering to this baby; as well as my lost hopes and dreams for my child. It was an emotional day last year. I kind of thought that it would only be emotional last year. That this year her death date would be harder, but her hypothetical due date not so hard. History of my pregnancies with Noah and Charlie tells me that she probably would have come early and her birth date wouldn’t have actually even been in December, but still there is something official about that document from the doctors office reading “estimated due date, December 16th, 2005.”

I know there are others out there reading that this may be feeling empty like me today. I’m longing for something and someone my arms can’t hold. Today, my husband or my teddy bear does not suffice these empty arms. Perhaps your arms are empty because you long for your birth child or you’re your arms are empty as you search for your biological parent(s), or perhaps you’re arms are empty as you long for a child to parent in your home or maybe you loss isn’t directly connected to adoption and you just suffer the loss of a child, parent, partner, pet, spouse, or loved one;

Despite our titles of birthparent, searching adoptee, hopeful adoptive parent, today we are just people united because we suffer a loss. Today let’s forget about the titles and differences and just offer each other a shoulder, understanding, and hope.