I have always said that for me personally the first year of being a birthmother was the hardest and that with the exception of some of the bigger days, such as Christmas, birthdays, and Mother’s Day, that being a birthmother in the years after the first year is not as difficult as that first year.

Recently however, a fellow birthmother and friend made a very good point that I have been pondering over lately.

Does it really get easier or do we just learn how to cope better?

Ya, know that is a really good question and I am sure that the answer differs for everyone a little bit. For me personally, it’s a little bit of both.

There are different things that made the first year so tough. Babies grow, change, and experience so many firsts and milestones that first year of their lives and knowing that I was missing those or watching them from a far was very difficult. Also, through out the first year I was counting down the little monthly birthdays each month thinking "he’s two months old today", "three months old today", etc... So in retrospect to the monthly birthdays and the firsts of the first year, the second year was less difficult in some ways.

I have also learned to cope better. I have learned that there are some “trigger” days through out the year such as Christmas, birthdays, and Mother’s Day. I know that those days are going to be hard on me emotionally so I try to make plans accordingly for those days.

Since becoming a birthmother, I have learned a lot about myself, the type of person I am, and what makes me feel better during tough times. So now, when grief does hit me, I know how to cope. I go write in my journal, chat with a birthmother friend, or do something to take my mind off of things.

In some ways, the passing of time has made being a birthmother less difficult and in other ways, I have learned better ways to cope with being a birthmother so I'm not sure if there is a definite answer to that question.

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