Back when my husband and I adopted our first child, I think we were in the belief that adoption was an experience more than it was a process. We naively went along for awhile as if once the adoption was final, we could move on to the next stage in our family life and that would be that. Of course we had openness and contact with several of our oldest daughter’s birthfamily members, but we assumed that the issues inherent to adoption, were also mostly dispensed with when the adoption was finalized. Boy did we have so much to learn!

With many years, and the addition of two other children, also through open adoptions, we have come to understand that adoption IS in fact a process, and an intense, emotional learning one at that. It was rather uneducated of us to think that we could live our lives without ever continuing our education, and expanding our hearts involving adoption. The question that I wrestle with on a daily basis now appears to be, wondering if this process of learning about, and thinking about adoption will ever end. Do any of us really “graduate” to a place where we know all that we need to know concerning adoption?

Honestly there are many days when I would like to just walk away from thinking about adoption, but I wonder if that is even possible. As hard as it might be for some to grasp, adoption is on my mind 24/7 and 365, as I think it may well be for the remainder of my life. That might well be easier to live with , if adoption were not such a highly emotional endeavor, and one where your feelings about the “process” were not constantly changing on you. I have had to rethink, and readjust my perceptions about adoption many (many) times over the years.

In a way I am grateful that I have been so fortunate in this journey adoption has led our family on. I have members of each of our children’s birthfamilies, who love and care enough to consider ours joined families, and not opposing forces. Our extended family have been open to learning and accepting that they also have much to discover about adoption. They have been both supportive as well as welcoming to new ideas, and connecting to the birthfamilies of our children. I hope that this has worked to expand the hearts and minds of everyone involved, and not just myself and my husband.

While not having to learn about and face the heavier issues that adoption brings to table, would perhaps be a less stressful way of life, I would not change the opportunity it has brought me. The chance to love my children and their birthfamilies, and to hear the voices of the many, many people who have educated my soul, and motivated my heart, to look at adoption from every possible perspective, has been well worth the strife.

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