After you become a birthparent, life becomes a little more complicated, especially if you have been open with your situation and experience. People will have an opinion as to what they think of your choice and sometimes of even just open adoption in general. And many times, people are going to give you their opinion whether you want to hear it or not!

How should you handle this?
It depends on what they are saying! Are they feeling sorry for you? I’ve found that sometimes people will feel sorry for me when I explain that I am a birthmom. They will pity the fact that I was at the point in life that I had to make an adoption plan. While I appreciate their sympathy, it’s still hard to hear. I hate it most when they say, “I never could have done that.” I know they are trying to be nice and polite. Generally when someone says to me, “I never could have done that,” I will respond with “And I hope you never have to.”

Then there the comments about open adoption. When I explain that I receive pictures and even visit Charlie and his family and have a relationship with him, people will sometimes respond with, “That’s so nice of his parents to still let you see him.” It depends on my mood, but if I’m feeling catty, I will respond with, “It was so nice of me to let them adopt him.” I must accredit Skye Hardwick with that comeback. I’ve used it a few times and it sort of puts things in perspective for the person that is commenting.

Now, I can’t talk about the comments I have received without mentioning the sweet and sincere ones. There are people whom once I tell them I am a birthmom, they make heartfelt kind comments about my decision. I’ve had adoptees thank for me giving life and adoptive mothers tell me how blessed their lives have been as a result of adoption.

Ongoing comments are not something I expected to deal with when I became a birthmom.