Comments on: Conditioned To Respond http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond Blog with information on open adoption. Includes advice, tips, concerns, and news articles about open adoption. Birthparent and Adoptive parent blog on open adoption. Articles, information, and news about the open adoption experience. Thu, 18 Mar 2010 05:10:43 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Julia Fuller http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1783 Julia Fuller Mon, 20 Aug 2007 01:34:31 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1783 Deb, my daughter that is about to turn 19 came to live with us at 7. She killed animals, spread feces, broke things, hurt the other children, etc. I prayed every night for years that God would give me love for her. I also prayed for years that God would give her one good friend. In the back of my mind was an all girls boarding school:-)If you haven't yet tried medication, it's time to start. Hang in there, we are all here to help each other through these difficult times. That's how I made it through, some of my friends heard the same stories 50 times. Deb, my daughter that is about to turn 19 came to live with us at 7. She killed animals, spread feces, broke things, hurt the other children, etc. I prayed every night for years that God would give me love for her. I also prayed for years that God would give her one good friend. In the back of my mind was an all girls boarding school:-)If you haven’t yet tried medication, it’s time to start. Hang in there, we are all here to help each other through these difficult times. That’s how I made it through, some of my friends heard the same stories 50 times.

]]> By: AdoptionBlogs Editor http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1782 AdoptionBlogs Editor Sun, 19 Aug 2007 04:36:33 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1782 Sweet blueberry muffins! I jumped when I saw the picture! YIKES!<br /> <br /> Hang in there, Deb. Sweet blueberry muffins! I jumped when I saw the picture! YIKES!

Hang in there, Deb.

]]> By: John http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1781 John Sat, 18 Aug 2007 21:24:02 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1781 What a fantastic picture! At times, I have seen each of my kids that way. <br /> <br /> Thank goodness we get to be human, perfection is not permitted, and doing as well as you can is always OK. My middle son was very difficult and violent. At 12, I checked him into an RTC. As I drove away, I felt GOOD, triumphant, and relieved. Wow, did that give me guilt, what kind of awful parent would feel that when his child had just been institutionalized? The answer is a human parent, he was terrible to be around, life was rotten, and nothing I did made any difference. I figured out that I did love him, but I hated his behaviors, and that was OK. Today we have a very good relationship despite large problems that still affect him.<br /> <br /> It would be so wonderful if you and your daughter could be on the same page now, as she is growing up. You are doing what you need to do, give your self a huge pat on the back, it would be easy to quit. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. Keep the faith. John What a fantastic picture! At times, I have seen each of my kids that way.

Thank goodness we get to be human, perfection is not permitted, and doing as well as you can is always OK. My middle son was very difficult and violent. At 12, I checked him into an RTC. As I drove away, I felt GOOD, triumphant, and relieved. Wow, did that give me guilt, what kind of awful parent would feel that when his child had just been institutionalized? The answer is a human parent, he was terrible to be around, life was rotten, and nothing I did made any difference. I figured out that I did love him, but I hated his behaviors, and that was OK. Today we have a very good relationship despite large problems that still affect him.

It would be so wonderful if you and your daughter could be on the same page now, as she is growing up. You are doing what you need to do, give your self a huge pat on the back, it would be easy to quit. Things will work out the way they are supposed to. Keep the faith. John

]]> By: soblessed http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1780 soblessed Sat, 18 Aug 2007 17:19:46 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1780 Oh, Deb, I wish I had some words of comfort or wisdom that would give you a positive, day-by-day lifting of some of the stress, but I don't. I struggled with ds when he came home and we didn't instantly bond with him and I struggle with him now as he yells and screams, hits and scratches, whines and clings. I at least have the balm of his loving behavior at other times.<br /> <br /> Remember that those who criticize do not live in your shoes, or necessarily even in your neighborhood. For me, when I started to seek help for some of ds's behaviors and my responses, the earmark of an experienced listener was that they didn't criticize. They really got that just to go back over and over was the true litmus test of love and that trouble dealing with oppositional behavior was well within expected limits for dealing with this type of situation.<br /> <br /> I second Nancy....hang in there, Deb. You're doing fine :) Oh, Deb, I wish I had some words of comfort or wisdom that would give you a positive, day-by-day lifting of some of the stress, but I don’t. I struggled with ds when he came home and we didn’t instantly bond with him and I struggle with him now as he yells and screams, hits and scratches, whines and clings. I at least have the balm of his loving behavior at other times.

Remember that those who criticize do not live in your shoes, or necessarily even in your neighborhood. For me, when I started to seek help for some of ds’s behaviors and my responses, the earmark of an experienced listener was that they didn’t criticize. They really got that just to go back over and over was the true litmus test of love and that trouble dealing with oppositional behavior was well within expected limits for dealing with this type of situation.

I second Nancy….hang in there, Deb. You’re doing fine :)

]]> By: Nancy Spoolstra http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1779 Nancy Spoolstra Sat, 18 Aug 2007 15:03:51 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1779 Hang in there Deb. Hang in there Deb.

]]> By: BEACHLADY http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1778 BEACHLADY Sat, 18 Aug 2007 13:56:48 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1778 Great blog!<br /> <br /> We love them when they don't know how to love back. <br /> <br /> All children and adoptive parents are different - we all just have to learn what works and doesn't - and learn some hard lessons along the way! Great blog!

We love them when they don’t know how to love back.

All children and adoptive parents are different – we all just have to learn what works and doesn’t – and learn some hard lessons along the way!

]]> By: Julie http://open.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/conditioned-to-respond/comment-page-1#comment-1777 Julie Sat, 18 Aug 2007 12:37:32 +0000 http://open-adoptio.www.adoptionblogs.com/2007/08/17/conditioned-to-respond#comment-1777 Deb,<br /> <br /> I'm with ya! And I love the picture...it's just the way I feel many days!<br /> <br /> As my older daughter says...how many times each day can you listen to someone say "I hate you" or "I want to kill you" and still hug them at the end of the day?<br /> <br /> It's life in a parallel universe for sure! Deb,

I’m with ya! And I love the picture…it’s just the way I feel many days!

As my older daughter says…how many times each day can you listen to someone say “I hate you” or “I want to kill you” and still hug them at the end of the day?

It’s life in a parallel universe for sure!

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