Part One

After finding out the hard way that not everyone shares a new adoptive mother’s enthusiasm about her route to parenthood, I began to share less and less. At the very least I began to scrutinize a person before I shared. I had to feel them out to gage whether their response would be good or not so good.

I had to wonder if that is part of why closed adoptions were so popular years ago. Sharing sort of sets’ you up. A lot of people do not like or understand adoption and sharing that you adopted (or as Jenna noted so well, that you placed ) sort of makes you fair game for their judgement, in their belief anyway.

Then along came Carson.

My son was a miraculous surprise for us! We were not really even looking to adopt, at least not again so soon, when we found out about him (he and Cierra are 18-mons apart). About thirty days later he was in my arms! This was not a lot of time to think about how his beautiful little presence would permanently keep me out in the open in regards to adoption. Carson is the only little brown person in our immediate family of five. Now whenever we go out, there are questions.

“Are you foster parents?” (Nope)

“Is your husband black?” (Nope. This is usually asked even if my darling husband is present,and if they even bother to assume that I am in fact married!)

“What is he?” (Duh, looks like a cute baby boy to me!)

“Do your girls treat him like a real brother?” (Well lets see, they seem to beat him over the head with their toys the same as they do to each other, and oh by the way they were both adopted too!)

Well you get the drift.

People think because our family is noticeably different now that they can hypothesize all they want, out loud, to ME, and I am obligated to answer, 24-7. I am now like an open adoption seven-eleven. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I was taken by fellow blogger Jenna’s comment, the one about the friend seeing a pic of her daughter on the fridge. I had to wonder after my own experience if that friend made her assumption (that they were adopting, rather than she had placed her daughter) because they differ in color. Along with color comes the question of how this could possibly even be your biological kid. After all you don’t match. I wonder if Jenna was parenting her daughter she too would be viewed as her adoptive mom and not just as her mom? Interesting how people are so anxious to put things in a place they can feel comfortable with themselves, even if it is none of their business (*sigh).

Well now that I have a family that proudly proclaims our differences every day, I am learning how to function. I am also learning to accept the fact that I will never again be closeted. This is a good thing. With my love of my children and their birthfamilies has come a sense confidence in my role. I am slowly figuring out when and what to say, and to whom. I am even starting to enjoy the educating I will inevitably do in the process.