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Many times during pregnancy, the expectant mother may become close to the adoptive parents, usually the adoptive mother especially. While I think that bonding between these two mothers is great and could lead to a more positive open adoption experience later on down the road, it can also be a bit troubling at first post adoption.
I know many birthmothers who have become very close to their child’s adoptive mother during the pregnancy, but once the baby is born the level of closeness changes. They may have been chatting on the phone daily, emailing back and forth through out the days, meeting for lunch, going to doctor’s appointments together, etc. And then once the baby is born, things change. For a birthmother who is already grieving the loss of parenting her baby, this can be hard.
I know it isn’t intentional on any adoptive mother’s part. In fact, I think it’s pretty normal. The adoptive mother now has a baby to take care of and doesn’t have as much time as she did before the baby was born. Any mother who has a newborn in her house will tell you how time consuming it can be trying to get the baby on a schedule and get adequate rest herself.
This change in closeness did happen in our relationship. We suddenly weren’t talking on the phone every day and I didn’t see A as often since she was no longer accompanying me to doctor’s appointments. I was worried that not only had I just lost my baby but I would be loosing someone who had become a close friend too.
I was open and honest with A about my feelings and fears and she was the same with me. We have both worked together to maintain a friendship. While there was an initial change in the closeness of our friendship, our friendship has continued and grown.
Related Posts:
My Relationship with Charlie’s Adoptive Parents
Friends First
